So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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