I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
