my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
