You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So much rum. So many feels.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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