even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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