Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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