I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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