i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
