True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
