Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
