i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
