I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
