I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
