She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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