1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
