dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
