Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
