How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
