My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
