i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize