sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
even my farts smell like vagina
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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