I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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