woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
