her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize