I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I got inside last night via doggy door
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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