Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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