I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
