Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
