He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
