meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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