My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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