ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize