And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
