well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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