oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
