Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
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