so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
