Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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