At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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