ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
