It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize