A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
