well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
