do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
