omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
