so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
