Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
