I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
it's like iHOP with fire
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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