I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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