I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
