Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
