im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You left your underwear on the fireplace
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize