He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
