If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
