I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize