Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
