I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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