Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I wear drunk well.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
