Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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