Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
