I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
