we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
