thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
