Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize