When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
