hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
