My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
