shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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