My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
