Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
