he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
