I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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