why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
