Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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