Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
